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Relationships are the best route to happiness
At this time of year its well worth considering what makes us (and our loved ones) happy. And this is, obviously, a worthy forum within which to debate such a crucial issue. The following short story reports on some research published in the British Medical Journal that indicates (1) money does not really increase happiness but (2) social bonds do.
Click here to read the full story and then feel free to add your thoughts, questions or comments to this posting.
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on Sunday, December 25th, 2005 at 3:22 pm and is filed under Happiness News.
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December 25th, 2005 at 5:45 pm
Thanks for the link doc happy. I don’t agree with one key thing mentioned in the article, and in fact it goes against other studies. He says
“Dr Delamothe suggests family life is key. Studies show that married people have better psychological health than unmarried people”
As with a lot of things - you have to “read between the lines” and also remember that this is only one article.
I can show you a lot of articles that say that women (not men) are better off psychologically not being married. That marriage brings them things like financial stability, access to health insurance etc etc but psychologically as long as they’re not loners etc they are better off unmarried . So there are studies both ways.
Look at these links, for example……..
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/12/22/1071941669377.html?from=storyrhs
http://www.cnn.com/2003/HEALTH/03/17/marriage.poll.reut/index.html
http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a3b43272728d5.htm
I had to go looking for these and other links because I am happily single and seemed to have to justify it to others who can’t understand my reasoning.
So there are 2 ways of looking at a coin. As long as you’re looking at the side that’s facing you then it’s OK.
December 26th, 2005 at 9:49 am
Iolanda, as is often the case you are, at least partly, right. But as far as I’m concerned the key message is not necessarily that only “relationships” such as marriage are important but more generally that “social bonds”, which include all forms and manner of relationships and interactions, are beneficial.
January 18th, 2006 at 7:03 pm
Dr Happy,
Hmmm. Yes, all very well. But most people I know (with one or two exceptions) who are single are not single by choice. It’s one thing to think I may be happier in a relationship, but I can’t just make it happen by deciding that’s the case. I don’t think any relationship is better than no relationship. A happy, fulfilled, equal relationship of give and take may be better than no relationship, and it’s certainly better than a crap relationship with a person with whom I am incompatible (been there!). But unfortunately you can’t buy a relationship as easliy as you can buy a new dress, which certainly ch eers me up no end,esp. if I look great in it.
thanks anyway
January 2nd, 2007 at 5:10 pm
I personally think that happiness begins within each of us before any kind of relationship evolves. Happiness is a state of mind we can nurture not based on what happens to us or on what we wish to make happen. Some people think happiness can be pursued like a dream or posessed like an object. To be content with who you are has nothing to do with your appearance, your bank account or what you aspire to own. For me, happiness is a feeling I experience when surrounded by people who care about me and when I feel inspired or drawn to interact with others. I believe we attract people into our lives based on how we feel about ourselves and based on what we need to learn. To feel complete is supposed to evolve inside before you connect with others. When people go looking to complete themselves through others, they are often disappointed, especially when they realize they may not even known themselves well enough to make wise choices.
September 22nd, 2007 at 7:48 pm
I find the replies very helpul - supporting happiness from within as well as from a range of social bonds is important. Whether one is single or not, social bonds provide a nourishing form of connection, however simple this may be. In making connections with others we also offer our selves, hence our internal sources of happiness are important.
I work as a relationships counsellor and family mediator and I find that clients who do not have a strong social network or who do not reach out to their networks are the ones who are the least resilient to difficulties. Men are particularly prone to isolation. When it comes to intimate relationships I think that Iolonda makes a good point to address marriage as a potential “mental health risk” for women rather than men. The research that Iolonda refers to does not exclude the importance of happiness with our intimate partner. John Gottman, one of the leading contemporary researchers on relationship satisfaction and conflict has demonstrated through extensive long term studies that happy couples are far more resilient to stress and conflict. “Happy” couples are those that invest emotionally in their relationship in peaceful times. I have written a short article summarising this research: http://www.commonground.net.au/Article_Positive_Relationship_Tips.html
The simplicity of John Gottman’s conclusion, that is to act positively to one’s partner, is not as naive as it may appear. There are many good reasons why couples do not extend warmth to one another, yet the key message is to see this a warning sign to be addressed and discussed with one’s partner.
Regards, Ebohr Munoz